14 November 2018
Casual sex. Pretty much everyone has thought about it ?, but not many people go through with it.
While shyness or lack of opportunity might stand most firmly in the way of you scratching that itch (if the problem persists, please consult your GP ?⚕️), further social obstacles can present themselves once you’ve broken through those initial barriers.
Anxieties about putting your foot wrong, making a tit of yourself and potentially upsetting your partner can be major roadblocks ?.
Thankfully, we’ve come to the rescue. Whether this is your first time out as a casual dater, you’re a seasoned pro looking to improve your game or maybe a recent singleton ? who’s worried about being a bit rusty, we’ve put together a handy step-by-step guide to conducting a hassle-free hookup where everyone walks away from your casual encounter completely satisfied..
Now, for a quick disclaimer: everything we recommend makes the assumption that you’re already a decent person who knows that they should never put their sexual desires above the basic humanity of other people ?.
If you’re having casual sex, or any sex for that matter, you have a responsibility towards the person – or people – you’re with. Don’t do anything to them that they have not agreed to ⛔ or have explicitly asked you not to do. All good? Yeah, we knew you were cool anyway ✌.
Let’s be realistic. Gone, or at least endangered ?, are the days of walking up to people in bars. When was the last time you saw that work?
People have no incentive to make the first move in person and risk being shot down ? when they can just as easily find someone they already know to be interested on an app.
Besides, you might not be on a night out or have one lined up when the urge strikes. Digitally ?, your next sexual partner can be found at a moment’s notice.
Okay, so you’ve connected with someone you like. Somebody still has to make the first move, which can be the scariest part ?. Manners matter, even in hookup scenarios. We’re not saying you need to become a romcom character or anything ? – that’s actually more likely to put people off – but a little polite banter goes a long way.
The fact is, if you build a semi-positive rapport with the person you’re interested in getting freaky with, you stand a better chance of having fun and feeling comfortable with them ?.
It’s as simple as saying hi, introducing yourself, telling them you find them attractive and asking if they’d want to meet up. Butter them up before you slide in, if you will ?.
If you’re in a rush to cut to the chase ⏱, now might be a really good time to ask not just for their preferred location and time, but what they’re into sexually, if they have any ground rules, what they’re in the mood for that night and so forth. It’s a little less awkward doing this over message, and it gives you some notes to review before the big moment ?.
(We’ve also written a guide on how to communicate your way into a casual relationship or hookup. You’ll find it here.)
Same rules apply in person, except maybe three or fourfold.
Maybe don’t burst through the door without saying anything and start ripping your clothes off ? – unless that’s something they’ve said they’d enjoy, of course.
Most people tend to run through the formalities, re-introduce themselves and maybe pour two glasses of wine ? neither of you will get around to finishing. After that, things are blown wide open, if you catch our drift ?.
We don’t want to sound like your mother ?? – because that would be super weird – but try not to be late. Or a dick.
Sure, some people might get off on the whole unattainable bad boy/bad girl vibe ? and if they’ve gone to these lengths to meet up with you, they’re probably going to bump uglies with you anyway (always check though, dummy), but wasting their time is a pretty lame thing to do and could cost you your night of passion if they decide not to stand for your crap ?.
Woah, there ✋?. You didn’t think we were going to talk you through the whole thing, did you? Half the fun is figuring it out yourself! But there ARE some things you can do to make that process as free of awkwardness as possible.
If you haven’t discussed ground rules yet, DEFINITELY do this before you start. This isn’t just, you know, a legal requirement to make sure your partner is consenting to what you’re about to do ?, but it also makes sex better. Who knows, they might even tell you their sweet spots ?.
Anytime between when you first connect on the app and when you start doing the deed is a great time to discuss contraception ?, but this usually happens as things start hotting up between you and your partner.
In a casual situation, condoms – whether male or female – and dental dams for women who have sex with other women are more or less non-negotiable ☝.
Even if you’re both mature adults who’ve had a conversation about STIs, you can’t be sure of each other’s status. After all, you don’t know each other, you may not be each other’s only sexual partners since you were last tested and one of you may not be aware they’ve caught something.
Ahhh, pillow talk ?. It sounds so nice but it’s actually so bloody awkward. How do you start talking after THAT? Besides being out of breath after a job well done, it’s hard to know where to go conversation-wise from where you just, um… finished ?.
I mean, you could just get your clothes on and leave ?. In a hookup scenario, this isn’t a totally unreasonable move, particularly if you’ve only agreed to see each other this one time. It’s probably best not to sneak off ? while they’re using the bathroom though. We recommend being nice and at least saying goodbye!
A good thing to do is ask how they are. Not in an extremely cringeworthy “was it good for you?” way ?, but just casually checking in to see if they’re still feeling alright.
It sounds embarrassing, and sometimes it can be, but people tend to answer these kind of questions anyway ?♂️. This kind of aftercare is actually pretty important if you’ve participated in anything more outrageous ⛓, which can be very fun but also emotionally and mentally draining.
If you haven’t established whether you’d like to see one another again as part of a regular casual arrangement or even, God forbid, on an actual date ?, you might want to ask this before you leave – particularly if you’ve both enjoyed yourselves.
And there you have it! The absolute basics of hooking up with a complete stranger without making yourself look like a total knob ?.
Wasn’t that fun and EASY? Believe it or not, there’s a way of making the path towards quenching your thirst ? on the regular run even smoother.
Tapdat is a hookup app for human beings, designed to help ordinary people healthily fulfil their fantasies with people who are into the same stuff.
Everyone knows what you’re there to do, so you’re free of the awkward expectations of dating apps ? most commonly used for hooking up, like Tinder.
Whatever floats your boat ?, you’re sure to find someone on Tapdat willing to stick their oar in.